One week before his due date, March 11th, I was convinced my water had broken. I'd experienced my water breaking with my first two, I was certain this was it. So I woke Jake with the great news and we called his mom to come stay with the kids. Before checking into the hospital though I wanted to walk around and really get my labor started -- I was planning on delivering naturally and didn't want to be laying in a hospital bed all day. I just wanted to arrive and push him out. Well, that didn't happen. Turns out my water hadn't broken and I was sent home. Devastated.
Really, that day was kind of the worst. I cried. A lot. Mainly because I was so embarrassed -- we'd let a l o t of people know that "I was in labor!" and I was also mentally exhausted. When I thought my water had broken I started getting myself ready to be strong and pumped to deliver him naturally, but then it didn't happen. And I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. Wah.
My sweet Jacob knew how much this would all affect me though and came home that night with flowers and a Nutella waffle. So I cried some more -- happy tears!
One week later around 4am I kept waking up feeling crampy and uncomfortable. I would turn onto my other side or stuff a pillow between my legs and fall back asleep. But then I'd wake up again and around 5am I decided to pay attention to what my body was telling me. I started timing my contractions and couldn't believe that they were really coming every 7 minutes. I kept retiming them thinking there's no way they're keeping a rhythm. The night before Jake and I had gotten into an argument and I was still mad at him, so I r e a l l y didn't want to be in labor -- I couldn't go deliver a baby when I was still upset at him and not ready to let it go. Well, those contractions weren't stopping. I got up and went to the bathroom and started to weigh my options. I finally came to the conclusion that at some point it was his right to know, so I'd h a v e to tell him. I waited as long as I could, and then when I did tell him I acted like it was no big deal. I'm in labor. Who cares. I'm so mature.
We kissed and made up and headed to my doctor's appointment (I'd had one scheduled already and decided to just go there first.) Sure enough I was dilated to a five and almost completely effaced. My doctor called the hospital to let them know we were on our way. Yes! This was it -- he's coming today!
I had read a book called "The Bradley Method" in preparation of my natural birth. My contractions started getting increasingly stronger and closer together, but I was breathing through them like I'd read and practiced. Jake was heaven-sent through all of this and really helped me focus and keep my cool. Then I dilated to a nine. And wanted to d i e !
All I really remember is being in the absolute worst pain of my life and feeling like I was going to pass out. But then I'd think: "If I pass out, who's gonna get this baby out?" I kept screaming: "Get him out of me! Is he coming out? Will he come out? Get him ooout!" And then they showed me the mirror and all the "progress" I had made: A tiny little round circle of his head. That's it!
I never looked at that mirror again; it was too discouraging.
After a couple more pushes and punches at Jake, he came out. And that moment wasn't glory-halleluja like I'd thought and hoped it'd be. Instead I was still panting and a little out of my mind. When they tried to hand him to me, I just couldn't. Every bit of me was so weak and shaky and I didn't want to drop my sweet new babe. I should really have Jake write about Sawyer's first moments on earth, because all I can remember is pain. Haha. So sad.
Natural childbirth, I do not recommend it. :)
Now ask me about him around an hour old and I can tell you more. I remember just holding him close and smelling him. Memorizing his beautiful face and cute little mouth. He had the sweetest little cry -- like a baby lamb. He also does t h e best pouty lip. It is so cute. And he reminded us so much of Henry, with Annabelle's Asian eyes. He nursed right away and hasn't really stopped since.
I have fond memories of fig newtons during my 2 am feedings. They pretty much fueled me for those first few days and will always remind me of Sawyer.
We stayed for two nights and by then were anxious to leave and get home to our other two. My nurse came in at 6am and was really sweet, but meant business -- she knew we wanted to get out of there quickly. Once all of Sawyer's tests came back looking good she sent for our discharge papers and we were gone within the hour :)
We drove away feeling like the luckiest parents. And still do.
We love you so much, sweet boy.